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Larry’s Phat Quotes

“Throw the ball, Lloyd!”

“It’s a wet rain, as they say.”
— former Michigan football coach Lloyd Carr,
at halftime of the 2007 Ohio State game,
stating the obvious

“Man created God in his image.”
— taken from a post on the message forum
at Dave Leip’s U.S. Election Atlas

“It is far easier to be ‘born again’ than to
actually have grown up in the first place.”

“Politics is like driving a car:
To go backward, put it in R.
To go forward, put it in D.”

“You have to defend the goal line,
not the ‘R’ in ‘ARIZONA’.”
— Detroit Lions Radio Network analyst Jim Brandstatter,
during the Lions’ November 19, 2006 loss to Arizona,
explaining why the Lions are the biggest joke
in professional sports

“Come the millenium, month 12,
In the home of greatest power,
The village idiot shall come forth
to be acclaimed as the leader.”
— Nostradamus, 1555

“Some people live their lives in the fast lane.
I live mine in oncoming traffic.”

“Wear gloves, be inconspicuous, and at all times act normal,
even when all hell is breaking loose.”

“Jesus saves — but Moses invests.”

“God was the original stoner. That’s why he’s the most high.”

“Sit your ass down and don’t ask me shit.”

“Mmmmm … very cultish.”

“Children in the back seats of cars don’t cause accidents.
Accidents in the back seats of cars cause children.”

“Dude! Belushi’s staring at your ass!”

“The amount of bullshit you can answer a question with is proportional
to the stupidity of the question being asked.”

“Crazy people are the normal ones. It’s the normal people who
are really fucked up.”

“The mile is the greatest drama in track and field;
that is to say, it is a play in four acts.”
— John Landy, who ran the second four-minute mile in history

“The only people who program in machine language
are masochists, or those in EECS 100.”

“Of course I am French, you silly. Why else do you sink I has zees outrageous accent?”

“Winners never cheat, but cheaters always win.”

“There’s someone in my head, but it’s not me.”

“You shall never retrieve the Necronomicon! You’ll die in the graveyard
before you get out with it!”

“Good … Bad … I’m the guy with the gun.”

“That was just what we call … pillowtalk, baby.”

“Name’s Ash.

“If you play something long enough, you’ll probably get lucky
once in a while.”

“Au contraire, baby. I think you can’t resist me.”

“Of course I am drunk. Write that down, computer boy.”

“Don’t ask me what I’m doing. Even I don’t know half the time.”

“Larry I think can handle it, because Larry’s the Man.”

“I’m a pure metal. The rest of you are just alloys.”

“Why don’t you go outside and play hide and go fuck yourself.”

“God created alcohol so that Irishmen wouldn’t rule the world.”

“Good teams know the answers. Great teams know the questions.
The really crooked teams know the questions in advance.”

Every morning in Africa a gazelle wakes up.
It knows it has to outrun the fastest lion
or it will be killed.
Every morning in Africa a lion wakes up.
It knows it has to outrun the slowest gazelle
or it will starve to death.
So it doesn’t matter whether you’re a lion or a gazelle.
When the sun comes up, you’d better be running.

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