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«  Sun.12.31.2000  »
8:18 pm EST        25°F (-4°C) in Dearborn
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In hopes that thinking this way will aid in my psychological recovery, I have this statement I'd like to make regarding what has been by far the most stressful and difficult year of my life.

FUCK YOU, 2000!

I am looking forward to a 2001 that will bring recovery from my depression, a sense of my life's purpose, financial independence, a final separation from my parents, and freedom from the negative occurrences, people, and situations that brought me so far down in 2000.

I must say that I can take some positive things out of this year. I have learned many lessons, both about myself and other people. I have learned that some people will stop at nothing to screw you over. I have learned that true friends are the people who accept you for your personality and what you are, not the people who accept you only if you conceal the objectionable parts of your character. I have known the greatest joy, and the most sorrowful agony. I have felt so wonderfully alive, and so morbidly dead. It's been that kind of a year for me.

However, the negativity surrounding my year 2000 twice nearly cost me my life. In many ways, I'm glad that it didn't — I am very hopeful that I will have a much better 2001 to which I can look forward. I'll always remember this year with a strange mélange of emotions, ranging the gamut from joyous to melancholy.

Before I close this update, and the year 2000, I would like to take this opportunity to thank every person who has taken the time to send me their kindest wishes in the last week or so. It is the support and care I've felt from all of you that I'm convinced has me still living today. The next time the circumstances of my life make me feel suicidal again, I'll think about how many people really care for me and want me to continue to live, and that should help me fight this demon called depression.

The outpouring of support I've received has been truly amazing. People I've never met are encouraging me to call them at any time of day or night whenever I need support to continue living. Other people are telling me to hang in there, guaranteeing that my life will get better. One person even sent me a poem entitled L'avalée des avalés ("The Swallower, Swallowed"); the title really describes how I've felt lately. No matter the method, though, each of you has brightened my recent days in your own special way, and I wanted to express my appreciation for that. Without you, I probably wouldn't still be here today. Thank you again, and a Happy New Year to everyone.