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«  Sat.12.16.2000  »
1:41 pm EST        37°F (3°C) in Ann Arbor
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I would have made this update sometime yesterday, if the DNS server here at U-M hadn't been taking a shit for the better part of the last two days. At first, I thought that TheHostPros.com's servers out in California were the problem, but when I later learned that I was the only individual unable to access the site, I did some research in campus computer labs. For whatever the reason, I was unable to access a handful of sites on any campus computer, while everybody I talked to off-campus was experiencing no access problems. Therefore, it must have been a DNS server or two on campus that was responsible.

I think I'm finally starting to come up out of the big rut I've found myself in psychologically. Of course, online self-assessment quizzes are no substitute for the judgment of a medical professional, but according to several sources I've used over the last few days, I believe I am suffering from clinical depression. While I am no longer feeling suicidal like I was earlier this week, I know I still have a long way to go up before I've completely recovered. In any case, I'm pretty sure I will recover eventually, either with or without the help of antidepressant medication. (I'll leave that determination up to somebody more qualified than myself.)

To all the people I may have offended in my update on Wednesday, please realize that you have to take me with a grain of salt given the situation I was in. A lot of the things I said were nothing more than the depressed rantings of a suicidal person, and were I in a normal state of mind, I would not have written such things.

As far as the next few months of my life are concerned, I spoke with my parents on Thursday in the middle of a suicidal mood. To my great surprise, they didn't react in their usual callous way; they will actually be fairly accommodating to me. In any case, I might only have to deal with them through the middle part of April at the longest; once I can get either the AATA or Indian Trails job, I should be able to move out and become independent.

Getting away from psychological things, I am fighting off a bit of a stomach problem today. I awoke about 11:30 am with a severe pain in my stomach; after some antacids and lunch, the pain has dulled to almost nothing. I would imagine it was something I ate. It could also be a physical effect of the depression as well; another example of depression's physical effects would be the crazy sleep habits (sleeping 8:00 am to 6:00 pm) that I found myself in earlier this week. So, I'm not sure, but I'm glad to feel better than I did a few hours ago.

I'm going to undertake a number of little tasks today around the room, then head out and socialize wherever possible; both of these should help me to pull out of the rut even more than I already have. Sometimes just finishing tasks and getting a sense of accomplishment from finishing them is a great help in recovery from depression, so I'll see how it works for me.